December 13, 2018

Last night, I cried so hard that I pulled a muscle in my neck.

I decided that in order to make friends, I must tackle the social anxiety. Turns out, there is no “facing your fears” with social anxiety. The anxiety monster will just sour and ruin every interaction, even when you’re going in with the intention to heal.

Anxiety has this way of creeping in to every thought as a cloud of doubt, insecurity, self-consciousness and paranoia.

What can a person do?

Well, I recently discovered that my daily caffeine intake is pushing 400-500 milligrams. I’m currently logging the amounts I take and what affects I feel. For instance, my blood content just reached 230mg and the paranoia and antsy-ness just kicked in. I also feel like I can’t get enough oxygen (this happens every day).

Irritability, headaches and paranoia can make for a dissonant social life, so, obviously, this will be addressed.
Frankly, even if caffeine isn’t the direct cause of my anxiety – if I believe that it is, this will fix the problem, because that’s how the brain works. Much like Peter Pan.

Also, frankly, (you can call me Frank), I am sick and tired of trying to pinpoint the cause of my neurotic tendencies. I’ve decided that they are caffeine’s sole responsibility, as of yesterday.

Here are some fun facts I learned:
Smoking and estrogen-based birth control can limit your body’s ability to metabolize caffeine. Therefore, my blood caffeine levels stay higher, for longer. Yesterday, I still had 170 mg in my bloodstream at 10PM when I went to bed.
Here are some side effects of caffeine over-dose (200+ mg) that I’ve discussed in this post already:
paranoia/delusional thinking
hormonal imbalances
irritation/aggressive behavior (road rage, for me)
SNIPPYNESS (ok, yeah this is just my problem. snipe snipe.)
Muscle Aches!!! caused by a release of calcium in your muscle and bone cells! me.

Check this out:
As a pure substance, caffeine is an odorless white powder…
Like, I’m a frickin drug addict. (Also, a drama queen.)

Anyways. I have no shame in posting things like this with clickbait titles like that, because I KNOW that almost everyone on the planet has some sort of anxiety about socializing, and has some form of loneliness they’re dealing with, whether it’s existential or literal.
My solution happens to be cutting caffeine. I’ll let you know how THAT goes.

Stay hungry my friends 🙂




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